POLYGRAPH FOR RELATIONSHIP STRUGGLES
If you are considering a polygraph test (lie detector test) for your relationship, then by definition, either one or both of you has lost the basic level of trust required to be at peace with one another.
Let's be honest. Living with broken or diminished trust erodes the strength of your commitment quickly. The longer the decay continues, the less likely it will be restored. You need to act quickly if you desire to maintain the relationship.
Finding a solid relationship counselor is wise and we urge you to pursue that.
We also know that being in counseling without full disclosure and honesty is not likely to re-establish trust. Neither you nor a counselor can force someone to be truthful. Many times, counselors guide couples to us for a polygraph test when they believe that one or both parties are refusing to fully disclose their behaviors. Wise counselors know that healing cannot begin until all the cards are on the table.
There is power in polygraph: A properly conducted polygraph will give you ground level truth even if that truth is that one party is refusing to be honest. So whether the test is passed or failed, you have at least one piece of truth on which you can begin making healthy decisions for the future.
In case you are wondering if your situation is suitable for testing, here are some common scenarios for which we test regularly:
Ending phone calls quickly scenario: A wife notices her husband quickly ending phone calls when she enters the room and when she asks who it was, the answer just doesn't sound natural and the energy in the room is unsettling to her. Not only that, but he used to leave his cell phone lying around all over the place, but now it is within his reach at all times.
Bad news from trusted friends scenario: A boyfriend begins hearing stories from his friends about how his girl is messing around with other guys at parties when he is not there. She denies it, but the friends telling him this have no reason to lie.
Caught cheating, admits it, but something is still not right months or years later scenario: A husband has an affair and when caught in a lie or several lies, finally admits to it. The wife forgives him and attempts to move on, but for years has this gnawing feeling that there is still more going on that has not been disclosed, especially since he did not admit his infidelity until he was caught.
Re-occurring sex addiction denial scenario: An addiction to pornography is finally revealed in the marriage, the husband sincerely seeks help and things go smoothly for a while. The wife notices that behaviors start changing in that her husband starts spending more time on the computer after she goes to bed. She finally begins to look into what sites he has been visiting and finds porn sites in the history. He says that those must be from their teenage son and that he will talk to their son about it. She is not fooled and needs to find out if his addiction has resurfaced.
Perpetual accusations with no foundation scenario: A wife is constantly accusing her husband of cheating on her because her husband travels for business regularly. The husband does his best to convince her these accusations are unfounded and even switches jobs to be home more, but the accusations continue. The husband finally tells her he will take a polygraph test to prove he is faithful, and that when he passes, she must stop with the accusations or seek help.
There are a hundred more scenarios, but the important point is that trust has eroded and you should act, rather than just accuse or be accused, to save your relationship.